Author: noelledeane

 Welcome to Mediumship Sparks, a place for people who wanna create the spiritual life they actually wanna live in. Together, we’re gonna explore the many ways we’re invited into greater awareness, deeper healing, and self-trust. The insights, ideas, experiences shared here are offered to spark curiosity and invite a deeper exploration of what’s unfolding within and around you.

May these conversations help you discover what feels deeply, quietly true for you. I’m Noelle Dean, intuitive medium and licensed marriage and family therapist. Quick note before we begin, the podcast is for educational purposes only and provides general information. It’s not medical or psychological advice and not a substitute for care from a licensed health professional.

Now let’s dive in

  I was working out in the gym today and the father I grew up with stopped by. He’s not my biological father.

I didn’t know that until I was 26. We haven’t interacted in quite some time, I’m working out with a trainer and then suddenly I get a sense of him trying to make me laugh, maybe to distract me from focusing on the drudgery of lifting this heavy weight, and showing himself, jokingly lifting weights, ‘ I don’t know that he ever lifted weights when he was still here.

And then he made a joke about the trainer and how he was pushing me. He was making me laugh, ‘ he was, like, the king of terrible dad jokes, and he really amused himself more than anybody else. , He was making a joke that, I’m paying this man to make me sweat and work hard and…

. he just kept hanging around, and that was very unusual. And then it’s like he was starting to download some stuff to me or give me messages. I’m not quite sure what was happening, but it felt intense, and I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m working out. If somebody’s gonna communicate with me, I really want to be able to concentrate and maybe capture it like I am right now.”

Was it for a podcast? Was it just a conversation between he and I? I wasn’t really clear, so I made an appointment with him. So here we are,

it seemed… He said something about moving up a tier or a level or something. It felt like he was saying a farewell for now … I’m not sure. If he’s going out of his way to communicate, that’s great. He shows up sparsely, so it’s a big deal if he’s showing up, and I want to hear what he’s got to say. And I am more comfortable calling him Harvey, although I did call him Dad Harvey feels more appropriate to the formality that I feel. The other thing was the trainer was having me take maybe it’s called a medicine ball.

It’s like a 10-pound softish ball, and to lift it over my head and slam it into the ground. And Harvey said, “You can think of it as my face.” And I’m like, “No.” I would never do that. But I did want to think of it as any of the bitterness that I might still have left in me. That’s what I wanted to hit with the medicine ball.

Maybe he was just trying to be funny that I would still have those kinds of feelings about him. I really had to let go of some stuff, and he has delivered on one pretty big apology to me. It’s nice to not feel bitter or upset with him.

This feels right to say. There’s alive or in or in spirit, relationships are relationships, and I have, How do I say this?

I’ve said recently something about the spiritual world dynamics-wise.. It doesn’t feel as absolutely different as I might have thought it would.

I have observed people in spirit. who have made some pretty big turnarounds in how they view the world or themselves or their impact on people. I’ve interacted with some people in spirit that seem to have a good bead on the perspective that people that are still here have about the relationship that they had together, and maybe how that person treated them.

Some really heartfelt apologies have come through, in some cases, it was from somebody who’s now in spirit, sometimes very recently in spirit, who would never have apologized while they were here or shown the ownership of some of the negative impacts they’ve had on their loved ones And not everybody does that.

It’s gotta be a weird thing for all of us, to decide to trust or not trust someone who’s in spirit now. ‘Cause we could say they can’t really hurt us anymore,” but some people don’t think that at all. Or it might be, screw that person. They were such a jerk when they were here.”

I have no room, patience, possibility left to even entertain the idea that they’re someone I would want in my life, and I can get that too. I’ve seen some big turnarounds, but forgiveness isn’t always easy, and maybe sometimes it’s not always possible. I would like to think, but I don’t know how true it is, that I have forgiven Harvey for many things, but I also keep in mind that he has the possibility of being the way that he was when he was here, which was distant and uncaring towards me. His other children didn’t really have that same experience with him, but that was predominantly mine. And, he on some level always knew I was not his child, even though it was not acknowledged to him that I wasn’t.

I couldn’t understand how or why else he would interact with me in that distant kind of, cut off way

When he did come through, and now I feel like he’s starting to get a bit closer again I was in a mediumship workshop, and these two other women picked up on him and this apology that he had. I have talked about this on a different episode where even the facilitator was like, “Honey, he’s apologizing to you.”

And I was like, “Oh, yeah, okay.” ‘Cause I was like, “Eh, screw you.” And then I listened. There are times when he has shown up. I remember being really nervous when I was first doing the podcasts, and I’d be out on my morning walk, and he showed up to help me feel prepared and supported, and that was really nice.

He did that a few times when I was super nervous. He was the only one I was aware of, and I was very grateful for that, and I still feel that way. So what he was mentioning today was that he… It felt like he was saying like, “I’m moving up a tier goodbye for now,” kind of thing.

I think this is a really good thing to interact with him about and see what information he can share with us about this. But I know that, for your loved ones, just like with mine, I mean people in spirit when I say loved ones there are times when we can feel them or sense them around or we just maybe hope.

But that hope feels alive. And then there are times when it’s like I just don’t feel them anymore. And then we can wonder, are they coming back? Are they busy doing something and they will return?

All right, Harvey

He’s saying he wants to give shape to my example. Okay. So if you’re new to the podcast I get information a lot of different ways from people on the other side. My intention will be to connect with him as best I can, and then to convey to you exactly what I’m picking up on, the tone of it, how he’s sharing it, that kind of thing.

And sometimes they talk a bit through me, and I’ll do my best to explain what’s happening so that, it doesn’t sound confusing. Okay.

He’s reminding me of the phrase “Yours, mine, and ours,” and that’s sometimes how it feels with bringing information through from someone on the other side there are times when I’m clear he’s saying this, and then I’m… Like right now, this is just me saying this,

and then there are times when it feels like it becomes a blend of both.

This happens also when I journal too, where I’ll feel aware of somebody come in, but sometimes that person will take over how I say things, and I’ve started actually when I’m journaling just putting quotation marks around that, so if I ever go back and look at my journals, I’ll see where someone stepped in.

They might even be expressing the thing I was thinking to say, like how my day went as an example. But clearly they’re using words and phrases that I wouldn’t, so that’s part of how I know that it’s not coming from me. It just feels different. You almost feel like somebody’s stepping into your energy.

My intention, is to have inspired words. And we’ll see how he steps in. He was gonna give shape to my example.

Now he’s being funny saying par exemple, meaning for example.

For he’s a great living example, thank you, of being dickish when he was living. And he’s significantly less dickish now that he’s alive in spirit. Alive in spirit. What a nice phrase.

If you’re watching, I ask and then I get… This is me getting a yes, and please show me a no. This is me getting a no to my questions. It just helps me stay focused and know that I’m on track this message is for all of us, Okay, he’s saying there’s a particular example of expansion of spirit, that he would like to share about. Okay, and he’s saying for this example… he wants to use Papa. Papa was his father in this life, and someone that I have what I would consider very trusting and good bond with when he was still here, and certainly being on the other side.

He’s saying that Papa was pristine in his integrity as a soul when he was still here.

He’s using descriptors of gentle kindness generosity. Yeah, Papa had a soft voice. He’s reminding me of Papa’s soft voice. He had damage on his vocal cords when he was very young, so he had an unusually soft voice. Harvey’s saying that actually matched Papa’s personality in many ways,

and he’s saying that the experience of Papa now is fully integrated he’s just not as gentle in spirit, but he’s equally as loving and caring, on either side Gotcha. And now Harvey’s talking about himself. So he says, me,” I was more than him in these areas of generosity, kindness, to do together things that would have seemed caring to me

Yeah

He wants me to say I’m not arguing with it , which is true. I think he’s summing that up pretty well.

Harvey’s saying about himself that he was never a finer example, of who he was or what he could do except… and I remember him describing this to me. So the last few years of his life, his wife, my stepmother, had passed a few years before him. And in those two years, I let go of a lot of my issues with him.

We hadn’t been close, like ever. But I knew he was lonely, after she passed. Some of that time he spent living in a nursing home. So we would talk sometimes, and talking was really him, entertaining himself and then I would listen. And there wasn’t a lot of realness to our conversations, and when that came up it didn’t go well. He didn’t appreciate being caught up in my truth, like me sharing my experience of anything with him.

I was trying to get a little bit of closure by – having some sort of authentic conversation, and it was never well received. So I let stuff go, but after he died it came back, and I was like, “Fuck him.” He showed up in spirit and I was like, “Nope.” He’s laughing.

I was like, “No, siree, Bob.” I didn’t wanna have a conversation with him. I didn’t wanna deal with his shit. That’s what he’s saying about me, and he’s right. That is how I felt. I compromised myself enough.

So he’s saying, these discrepancies of interacting with people before they get into spirit, and they show up one way and then they’re in spirit, and it’s like, surprise, and they show up like, “Wait, what?” It might seem like they have no concept of the negative impacts they may have had on you.

Are you bringing up something about this, the life review? He’s getting close to that. So you may have heard of the term, that people when they cross go through a life review, and they get to see the impact… and they get to witness the impact of them and who they were and how they were from other people’s perspectives.

He says it’s compulsory you often don’t have to do it right away? Gotcha. Okay. Did you choose to do yours right away? He’s like, “No, I didn’t wanna see that shit.” He’s saying he wanted to be in his glory of denial.

He’s saying that he was an imbecile because it was obvious. ‘Cause he could see that I never missed him. Wow. I would never have thought from that perspective

Now I’m wondering, listener, have you ever thought… would you have thought of that? That the person in spirit knows how much you do or don’t miss them

He could tell that he was not an integral part of my thoughts or in my heart because he never heard me missing him. He didn’t see me crying about him being dead

I hear you. That’s true. It’s all true. Yeah. And he’s comparing that with his experience of watching over my sister. Did you interact with her very much? I’m getting a sometimes.” Yeah. He’s saying, “She would leave me little messages.”

She would call him Da, and she’d be like, “Hey, Da, if you hear this, I love you.” That’s sweet. I know. He’s like, “You never did that.” That is true.

So you’re saying you knew how I really felt about you without me having to say a word. You’re bringing that up ’cause it’s a good reality check that we may be wondering when somebody who might have been unkind or cruel leaves the earth, do they have any idea about the impact they made?

He’s saying they can avoid the life review for, a very long time. It’s up to them. They’re encouraged but they’re never forced, but it’s a requirement at some point to go through it. So you were just saying that you waited to do yours ’cause you didn’t really wanna face… Because you already knew, , he’s showing another family member I knew what they didn’t miss about me being gone.

Like what they didn’t miss about him and his personality. That he was overbearing sometimes, yeah. He could be demanding too. That’s what he’s saying.

I don’t want to forget the part about you moving up a tier so let’s not forget to get back to that, okay? I appreciate widening my perspective on this. Is there anything you want to say to me or our listener about this phenomenon of people on the other side who we didn’t have great relationships with having…

They’re faced with the reality check, okay

Yeah, and he’s saying it’s hard for people who were very loved and cherished and close to those that they left behind, and then you get to see the pain that your loved ones are in because you’re not there comforting them, or they don’t feel you being there. He’s saying that’s hard on both sides.

He’s saying both are hard on both sides because when you have a strained relationship with someone and they pass away, you have to forfeit the hope that the relationship would’ve gotten any better. Huh. I think this is the first time somebody in spirit’s mentioning mediumship.

I’m excited. He’s saying that’s where mediumship comes in, because you can mend your relationship he’s reminding us that, mediumship, it’s one word, and It can encompass so many things. He’s saying it could just be presence or connection. It doesn’t matter.

You don’t need a mediumship reading. You don’t need to become a medium. You don’t need to… And then he’s showing all divination tools, like tarot cards or, a Ouija board. He’s encouraging us not to lose hope about that being a possibility. So here’s my question to you, Harvey. I’m assuming that a lot of us are connected with each other because there’s some sort of contract or karmic something or other that we said we were gonna incarnate and have this type of relationship to rebalance things or fix things,

so I’m assuming that you and I had that kind of relationship, and he’s saying yes.

As soon as he said that, I just see that he was a pharaoh and I was a peon. Part of my job in this life was to not feel less than because you didn’t acknowledge me. Am I getting that right? Okay. Not where I was going with this so let’s put that on the side. But here’s the question that I have, and we all may have this question. So if we have a karmic connection or contract to work out some issues in this life, but one of the people crosses

This sounds silly to ask because I’m like, does it count if? I feel a little juvenile even asking this, but I really do wonder about this. Does it count karmically in the rebalancing if we, rediscover ourselves as less prideful beings and make amends and atone with each other when one person is on the other side?

And can that still redirect or correct the karmic rebalancing that was meant for us to experience in our relationship together? Now, is this your opinion or is this a known thing? I got a big yes that it was his opinion, but is that like a known thing up there? Okay, it still feels like a yes.

I’m feeling hesitant to take it in at face value, so I’m gonna keep asking some questions. You understand why I’m feeling that way, Harvey? Okay, just checking

Okay, so he’s talking about conscious versus superconscious

He’s defining superconscious as this elevated version of ourselves while we’re on the other side?

But further along in our healing

Okay. And conscious is you and I being here, doing our best to be conscientious and aware and present but, having limited perspective ’cause we’re still in our life here.

He’s saying as a super conscious person, he may be an even better partner to healing the wrinkles over time of our relationships in the past

And I feel like what he’s showing me now is… So let’s say while he was still here, I really went to town about forgiveness. And it, and realized, rolling my eyes at myself ’cause I didn’t take it that seriously before, but that he didn’t need to change for me to forgive him. Forgiveness isn’t that person has atoned for their trespasses upon me and now I am giving them grace kind of thing.

Real forgiveness, as I’m aware of it now, is that it doesn’t matter what that person does or doesn’t do, me letting go of the anger and accepting them as who they are is

Forgiveness really means. You can forgive somebody and choose to not be in a relationship with them anymore because, you see the person for how they are. He’s saying it like you see the reptile for their scales. But you don’t delude yourself about who that person is, and you can make a choice to not maintain a relationship with them maybe part of the karmic contract is the forgiveness part, not the, we mended our relationship and now we’re super close

He’s saying that when he was here, he did not care about how I felt about him or anything else

And his way of dealing with his own shame that I didn’t want a relationship with him, was that he rejected me. And he also reminded me how my sister always pursued a relationship with him.

She always pursued having a relationship with him.

This was her biological father. They had whatever closeness they had. But I never really showed that. I would, reach out every few years. He preferred to look at it- As that he rejected me first. I feel like on my perspective I could say you did.”

Okay, so you started off today by letting me know It felt like a goodbye. That you were moving up a tier. Is that what you were trying to say? Big yes to that.

Okay. So can you tell us more about that, please?

He’s saying my lack of forgiveness of him or not, that he has excelled in his progression to become a certain type of soul who’s moved past, obstacles. You mean since you’ve just been in the soul life? Yes. Okay

Sorry, I’m not really clear what that means. Can you please keep talking and describing what you’re sharing about?

So he’s giving me a visual like he’s traveling some kind of distance. Like going off to university or something he’s saying it’s something like that OK。

This feels very weird to hear this come from him, but I’m very biased of who I think he is, and he really has changed, of course, and I have not stayed on top of the progression that he’s gone through. So I’m just gonna share what he’s giving me instead of thinking he’s full of crap , which sounds terrible, but that’s where I’m sitting is that he’s looking to get trained to be more of an angelic being, and then he’s showing me a visual of an elephant. So are you planning on incarnating as an elephant? No

Tell me about the elephant reference. What are you showing me about an elephant?

He’s saying being an elephant includes endless patience, accepting limitations too soon, too early in life. Yeah, but you’re really like a family member, a clan member to each other Yeah, I’ve heard that about elephants So you’re going to be trained to be more elephant-like, except the limits part.

Yeah, he wants to feel limitless, And there’s something, about the size of the elephant heavy, grounded presence. Am I getting that right? Okay.

Reincarnating further into the animal kingdom, simplifies life. There’s courage, bravery finding food, being prey being part of a family or a clan having a den or a lair.

There are things to learn from the animal kingdom, and he’s emphasizing the word simplicity. Okay. So are you saying you’re going to start over by being an animal? Huh.

He’s saying that he missed that step

That he’s never known how to be present in his life, in any of his lives So he’s gonna go back and do the elementary work Of being just spiritual presence and then in physical form, just presence Not like an anxious meerkat, just a meerkat. . Not like an angry kangaroo, just a kangaroo Really?

Wow. Okay. Is this a common thing for people to do on the other side? I’m getting a no. And was this your idea? ” He said no,” Papa suggested. Aw Do you still feel fatherly towards Papa? He says, “In many ways.” Yeah. You start from a bit of a clean slate, he’s saying.

Like things are on an even keel. But Papa is a spiritual guide. Yeah. Okay. That’s really interesting. Are you still gonna be around to be in contact with me? He’s saying always. There’s always a part in the spiritual world that stays and remains there.

Okay. But it’ll be different. And he’s saying he’ll be learning a tremendous amount.

And then he’ll come back and share stories. , Okay

Wow. And now I’m feeling kind of emotional I if I’m really sitting with how I’m just me, Noelle, feeling right now

I really feel the integrity of him making that kind of conscious choice. Now I’m getting some pressure on the left side of my head, behind my ear. It’s just occurring to me that you’re being really accountable for how you were, and in a very humble way starting over that you as the human would never have done that. You were so looking to be prideful. And he was. He loved the idea of having, fancier cars and really trying to have the image of that he created wealth, although he really didn’t.

But this sounds very grounded and real. He’s saying, “Yes, it is.” Like he really truly earnestly means to do the work this time I’m just feeling aware for all of us that who knows how people are progressing or changing on the other side, what support they have to do that, and who they can become when they release all of the old, he’s saying ego bullshit. I would’ve said that too, Wow I’m proud of you.

I love that you would be humble enough to do that you’ll pick up the missing pieces so that if you choose to incarnate and have children again, that they can have a, Very different kind of experience. Yeah, he’s saying thanks for your well-wishing

Now I can see why you wanted to share that with us. Thank you, ‘ this is a real perspective changer. I haven’t heard of this kind of thing. Not that I’ve looked. But what a cool perspective for all of us to see what a different direction our loved ones can take to restart themselves.

He’s saying in a much more wholehearted way Damn

I think he just made me even more hopeful about the beauty and magic of the spiritual world. Thank you for sharing that with us. Do you have anything else you want to share before you go? He’s saying best of luck to everyone involved. I feel like he means people in the spirit world as well as us here.

To come together and try to make peace and not war, and have love between us. ‘Cause it feels not worth it when you’re on the other side to have seen the discrepancies between people and the disagreements

And the lack of saying unhurtful things, people not sharing more love from the best parts of themselves is what feels right to say Yeah And I, just speaking for myself, feel grateful to have him say this because some things in my family are changing and I’m really looking to

be a better version of myself. Like truly, think outside of my own old reactivity about things and people and situations and, having history with people, it can be so sorted And it’s easy to hang on to the negative. And frankly, I’m sick of that, being that within my own head about myself or others and…

Yeah, it just breeds a lack of love or ease in relationships.

He’s making a joke now spread the word, as if other people could choose… He’s saying to reboot themselves as spirits, and almost see where else they can flutter . . I just really wanna thank you Harvey, for

Sorry, he asked me to call him dad and I really don’t want to. It doesn’t feel right to me and I had to… I am a recovering people pleaser that has had to stop abandoning myself so that I could make other people feel better about themselves, even if it’s at the expense of

So I’d like to not do that, and it doesn’t mean I don’t care or feel some love. I certainly feel proud of you and I’d like to think that’s good enough Okay. Now he’s saying fair enough. Yeah. But I really want to thank you for coming here and sharing this with all of us because wow, bit of a mind blower.

Yeah I hope this was interesting for you to hear. If you’ve heard of this before please email me and tell me. I would be very interested to know. I haven’t heard anything quite like this before.

. That’s our episode for today. Think of Harvey and his future. He’s making a joke about elephantitis. He’s trying to be funny about if you saw The Breakfast Club.

Okay. That was actually, I believe, legitimately funny. Anyway, he’s making a joke ’cause he wants to leave us smiling. Let’s keep looking to, uncover, discover, and keep learning.

The more we do, I think the wider our perspective becomes, and it’s only gonna help us. So you take good care. Bye-bye.

 Thank you so much for being with us today. If you’d like support as you continue your own exploring, you can find information about my classes, readings, and other offerings at connectingwithnoelle.com. If today’s conversation made you think of someone, I’d love it if you would share this with them. Take good care, and I look forward to being with you again soon 

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